Jim Vann’s Blog

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I was just thinking about an experience I had recently at the Ga. Department of Labor. (Doesn’t that sound so much better than the unemployment office?) I received a letter confirming an appointment for “re-employment services,” which contained the magic phrase, “could result in loss of benefits,” so I worked it into my busy schedule to call them. At the end of the call I thanked the lady on the phone for her help and she said, “No problem, sweetie.” How unprofessional, how sexist, how unduly familiar! It made my day!! I wish I had the lady’s name so I could call her superiors and tell them that this one act changed the way I feel about government workers. Of course, if I did, she would probably get in trouble and have to attend some kind of “Sweetie sensitivity” training. Once again, we find that stereotypes, while a terrific time-saver, are usually a poor excuse for thinking. Somebody suspended the first amendment rights to free speech regarding people’s race, nationality, sexual orientation, blah, blah, blah. About the only folks left to make fun of are lawyers (behind their backs, of course), government workers, and old fat white guys. Now, thanks to this one lady, I am down to two. Attorneys…and me. Thanks a lot, lady. Actually, what I meant to say was, “Thanks a lot, sweetie.”

If you like these posts, please take a moment to let me know. And please take a moment to tell some friends. It’s great therapy for me, but it would be nice to know you are out there. Of course, if you don’t like “Jim Just Thinking” I would be interested in hearing from you as well. Just not as interested as I am in compliments. Just post your “comments,” below.

I was just thinking about “naysayers.” My word, they’re everywhere! You can’t turn on the news on radio or TV without some,” journalist” telling you how horrible the economy is, how dangerous the food is how corrupt the government is, how corrupt religion is and how corrupt business is. Now, I’m no Pollyanna. But when I hear some journalette talking about how this economy is in a recession, ignoring the fact that the term “recession” has a specific meaning (for those of you with a journalism degree, a recession is defined as two consecutive quarters of negative GDP.) But, on the positive side, as an old man I once knew would have put it, “They sure are purty.” There used to be a thing called, “paying ones dues.” Now one is considered a pro if they can survive the rigors of getting their teeth capped. When I was a kid I remember Walter Cronkite. He wasn’t painful to look at, He was actually a nice looking man, even if he was over 30, which would disqualify him from TV today. The point is it never came up. He knew his craft. Today we have good looking people who can read well, but you just don’t get the impression that 30 years from now folks are going to say, “Katie Couric, now there was a newswoman!” I have nothing at all against pretty women reading the news. My problem is when they stop reading and act like they actually know something. The same with the pretty men. Sam Donaldson is the only exception. He’s wrong and unattractive. But, of course, he’s not from this planet, so I guess he gets a pass on some kind of head start program for Vulcans. Anyway, when you hear the bad news, before you share it with others, take a little advice from my Mom and consider the source.

I was just thinking about my country being 232 years old. You have to hand it to the old girl. In an age when most people over the age of 30 get thrown on the garbage pile, she is still vibrant. Must be something in the genes. Her DNA contains the intelligence of Thomas Jefferson and the integrity of George Washington. She is part Mark Twain and part Martin Luther King. In her blood runs the courage of millions of young men and women who had nothing to offer but themselves, but, like the little drummer boy in the Christmas carol, they offered that gift, freely, and we honor them as they honored us. Of course we are going through some tough times right now. We are reaping the whirlwind of our dependence on oil supplies that we have been told for 50 years would run out. We are in a money crunch caused by people wanting something for nothing, and the politicians and sketchy business people who pandered to that weakness. We are suffering through an election where the candidates think the way to win votes is to bad-mouth and poor-mouth and just generally mouth about America’s problems. Come November, I’ll vote. But I will not depend on the judgment of politicians. I will do what Americans always do. I will look for solutions. All over this country there are brilliant folks working to find alternative fuel sources to be sold directly to the American people, not to be sold to short-sighted car makers who will keep them on a shelf for short-term profit. While the housing industry is in a bind, our export industry is booming. I believe they will lead our economy out of its self-inflicted woes. That is America, and I still believe that the best is yet to come. Why? Because the genes are still in there, somewhere.

I was just thinking about the latest news that a group of evangelical “Christians” have decided that it’s God’s will that John McCain be elected President of the United States. God knows it’s my will, but I really don’t think He has given it a lot of thought. I would love to be there when one of these “leaders” gets to the pearly gates and reminds St. Peter that he supported Senator McCain in 2008. St Pete will probably say, “Who?” The “religious” big shot will say, “Are you serious? I kept Barack Obama out of the White House!” St. Peter will respond, “Who?” Then, by way of getting this clown off the front porch, The holy gatekeeper will probably call the Boss to the gate and ask him to please explain things. I can just hear my Savior patiently trying to clear up the man’s misunderstanding and the earthly imam arguing with Him. Jesus will probably wrap it up with, “What part of ‘My Kingdom is not of this world,’ is too complicated?” The fellow at the gate, not used to having his opinions questioned, will ask in frustration, don’t you care about the United States?” Jesus will respond, “A lot more than it cares about me. I’ll tell you what, I am a forgiving God so I am going to let you in, but, in the interest of all the other folks up here, I am going to take away your ability to talk…and won’t that be Hell?

Thanks for visiting. Check back. You never know when…or if I’ll be thinking.

I was just thinking how unbelievably difficult it is to do satire when the actual facts are dumber than I could ever make them sound. On the one hand, Don Imus is in trouble again because he made some mention of “Pacman” Jones race. Jones is a football player for, I believe, the Cowboys, but I really don’t care. He’s been in trouble with the law a few times, and while talking about it, Imus asked the rhetorical question, “What color is he?” When his crony answered “Black,” Imus said, “There you go, now we know.” He said he was misunderstood…whatever. Imus is a demented old windbag who has stayed too long at the fair, but at least he can say that he’s a “has been “and not a “never was.” All in all, this is what happens when the laws are made on the fly by so-called “Civil rights ‘leaders” The lesson is this, the first amendment to the Constitution gives us the right to say anything that won’t upset Al Sharpton.

Then there’s PETA…People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals…except the thinking human kind. They’re all abuzz because first, Wimbledon, the English Tennis people got rid of some bees, then started shooting at pigeons. In fairness, the big, tough, mean biker-like tennis folk tried using a hawk to get rid of the “rats with wings,” before they started shooting, and I believe they should give the same sporting chance to PETA. As nice as it would be to see them get a rear end full of buck-shot (nothing serious, just enough to give them something for which to stand up for a couple of days), there would just be something poetic about a good hawk attack.

Don’t get me wrong, I am an animal lover. But, unlike PETA, when I have a cow, it’s a steak.

Please see the link to the right to check out my book, “Who Died…and Left You in Charge?” My family and many of my friends think it’s funny, and short.