Jim Vann’s Blog

“They” say that a writer should write about what they know. “They” say a writer should try to engage the reader. “They” say brevity is the soul of wit, so a writer should be brief.

“They” are really getting on my nerves.

I ask myself, “What do you know?” I know how to raise good kids to become great adults. I’ve done it and I can see the proof. Maybe I should write about parenting.

Actually, I believe parenting is a made-up word, created by bureaucrats in Washington to replace the phrase “child-rearing”, which could bring attention to the part of the body most susceptible to effective parenting. I am not sure what my wife and I did to rear great kids, although I am pretty sure the fact that I can still use the phrase, “My wife and I,” has something to do with making it possible.

What about engaging the reader? Every parent I know wants to butt in when I’m talking about my daughters (and especially the grandkids) to talk about their offspring. So, even though I find it irritating and presumptuous, I guess they are engaged. I believe, from listening to a lot of parents, that we have a lot more in common than it would appear from watching TV.

As for brevity, I may have blown that already, but, in the future, this will be a blog about what we all know best, raising kids to be responsible and loving adults. I will post ideas and questions on occasion, and I think, if enough parents contribute, we will all benefit from the conversation. I want it to be like a radio talk show, only intelligent and non-abrasive.

It’s like the old joke (which is not as funny as it used to be) that says, “Just when I have all the answers, nobody asks me, anymore.” Well, we’re asking.

If you think this might be helpful and even fun, post a comment and let’s get started. Maybe you have a question or suggestion. Or maybe you have a story about raising your kids. All are welcome. Tell anyone you know who is a parent, grandparent or has parents to check us out.

As I look back at 2011, I find myself happy and satisfied. I am happy it’s over and I am satisfied that none of it was my fault.
Of course, the primary news story of the year was the trial of some woman in Florida accused of killing her child. The reason why this story was bigger news than the disastrous debt, the total incapacity of Congress to govern and the corruption of the executive branch of government is that we could all understand it.
Let’s face the facts. We don’t really understand the national debt, health care, tax policy and war. Come on, admit it. You’re not at the pub or a Tea Party meeting. You don’t really have a clue how to improve the way things are. It had us all feeling pretty impotent and worthless until that woman in Florida killed her kid.
After all, I may not have the answer to Medicare or air pollution, but at least I never killed my own flesh and blood. I must not be so bad after all.
It was an uplifting and pleasant time in America when we could all turn on Nancy Grace and talk about how we hated her voice. All the time not missing a word she said. Every day for a while, we heard testimony that said we were better than that woman. It was a feel good time in the good old U.S.A. Until that stupid jury ruined it for everybody. How could they say we are not better than that woman? Don’t they read the national polls? Don’t they understand the national psyche? What makes these people think they are smarter and better than the rest of us?
Uh, maybe it was because they had the burden of basing their verdict on the evidence, or lack of it (just a thought.)
Oh well. The verdict is in, and except for the inevitable Lifetime made-for-TV movie and the unavoidable Playboy spread where we have the chance if she was hiding anything, recess was over. We have to go back to the real world with all it’s confusion and pain.
But wait! What is that on the horizon? Kim Kardashian is getting married. Thank goodness! The travails of Kim’s married life (shopping for two…creating more just like her) will give us diversion from real reality for years to come. Right.

Inasmuch as executive orders seem to be all the rage these days, I have been thinking about some ways to use these constitutional avoidance techniques to actually solve some of the problems we face today…for example:

Executive Order #3

It will be the law of the land for as long as we have them, that government spending will be controlled by someone who lived through the Great Depression (the one in the 1930’s). It is apparent to the objective observer that no American generation since then knows the meaning of the phrase, “We can’t afford that.”

This individual will have the authority to accept or reject any spending which, in his or her opinion, is stupid. This will include, but not be limited to, using taxpayer dollars to test the effect of marijuana and alcohol on college students, spending our money to pay for foreign despots’ mansions and/or prostitutes, or using taxpayer funds to try and recreate education in the image of Washington, D.C.

The budget for this office shall consist of a rubber stamp that says, “idiotic expense,” and a butt-load of red ink. Should the selectee feel that more expenditures are needed for the office, someone else will be selected immediately.

Inasmuch as executive orders seem to be all the rage these days, I have been thinking about some ways to use these constitutional avoidance techniques to actually solve some of the problems we face today…for example:

Executive Order #2

After looking up the word “Defense,” and finding no mention of using our young people as fodder for some other country’s protection, Executive Order #2 allows for all wars to be fought by the people who want to fight them, (i.e. defense contractors and the members of Congress who represent them) and our soldiers will be brought home and stationed at existing bases along our southern border. This order also allows for our military to be stationed along our northern border, but only in the event Canadian drug dealers and other criminals start flowing into our country and robbing us blind.

 This order further out

Laws using the term “war” except when actually referring to war, whch occurs only when the uniformed soldiers of one actual country are shooting at the uniformed soldiers of another country. Any cases where international criminals kill innocent people and then run and hide from the consequences, will be dealt with by the CIA and the NSA.

Inasmuch as executive orders seem to be all the rage these days, I have been thinking about some ways to use these constitutional avoidance techniques to actually solve some of the problems we face today…for example:

Executive Order #1

Effective this date, all juries will be chosen from the rolls of Social Security recipients. The benefit of this order being that the judicial system will reap the rewards of jury members life experience (without paying a per diem), and the Judicial budget will be saved money by utilizing citizens that the taxpayers are already paying. Productive  workers will be allowed to continue to work and earn money upon which taxes will be paid..  and the Social Security recipients will have something to which they can look forward as well as something they can talk about besides their grandchildren, thus benefitting all of society.

Let me say from the outset that I am a proud husband of 40 years, the proud father of two daughters and the proud grandfather of two of the most special girls in history. But, I am also the proud grandfather of an outstanding little boy, and I am concerned for what the future holds for him. Ever since the 1970′s, the man-hating extremists have done a masterful (am I allowed to use that word?) job of demeaning the male of the species. Let’s consider, for example, television.

With a brief hiatus when The Cosby Show was the most popular show on TV, fathers have been portrayed as bumbling buffoons and incompetent boobs (am I allowed to use that word?). From Tim Allen’s  neo-neanderthal to Modern Family, where Ty Burrell won an Emmy for his portrayal of the anti Ward Cleaver, TV is rife with strong women and moronic men. Actually, Modern Family seems to believe that the only way a dad can be strong is if the household has two of them.

Don’t get me wrong, I was a big fan of “Home Improvement,” and I am a big fan of Modern Family. I love to laugh and these shows make me laugh. But the unmistakeable truth is that the belief in TV world is that you can’t have humor without victims, and the only allowable victims are those with an X and a Y chromosome. I can see a time in the near future when casting will consist of simply doing a DNA test.

Then there’s the news. Ever since the networks decided, back in the seventies, that the news had to support itself, the stories we are allowed to see are slanted, not by a political agenda but by a commercial agenda. One of the few true statements of the feminist movement is that 1/2 of the population is female. Because the three broadcast networks are located in New York, (Manhattan, not the New York where real people live) the belief of the programming executives has been that they have to do news stories that appeal to women, so that women will buy the sponsors products because everyone knows that women buy stuff. This is not a sexist belief because it is the belief of the people who sponsor the news. It is, however, sexist, to observe  that women buy more crap that men.

OK, I’m feeling a little better for having gotten this off of my chest (am I allowed to say that word?) so let me just bottom-line the outcome of this incredibly effective propaganda campaign:

A: In March of 1954, Edward R. Murrow brought down the career of Senator Joseph McCarthy with a commentary on CBS. Although this was 57 years ago, it continues to have an impact on politics and public life today

B: Last week on ” The View,”  what did the panel discuss? If you can’t remember, I rest my case. If you can remember, chances are, you are part of the problem.

As I said at the outset, I am not a woman- hater, far from it. I am a hater of imitation equality and robbing from Peter to pay Paula. We have created a tangled web of deceit  in the last 4 decades and, to my grandson I can only say, ” Work on the content of your character, and the skills you will need when you grow to be a man. The United States, if it still exists, will badly need real men (am I even allowed to think that?).

So my wife and I were watching “So You Think You Can Dance,” because she had control of the remote and, during the commercials we were watching the debate over the Debt Ceiling on C-Span. At this point I should admit, for those who haven’t figured it out, that we have no life. At one point we switched from Mary Murphy  to Harry Red and we both suffered whiplash.

I was struck by the extreme athleticism and creativity. I was impressed by the ability to make things up and follow the proscribed choreography. Then we switched back to the dancing show.

At one point Cat Deeley, who is, by the way, a lot better looking than she should be, said that something like 17 million people had voted on the dancers the night before. I mentioned this to a young friend the next day and she allowed as how the real elections should be done on the phone.  She has a point. I have yet to hear anybody say that they skipped voting on a reality show because the weather was bad.

We could call the show, “So You Think You Can Govern,” and at the end of each episode America could vote on the debated important issue of the day, like naming Post Offices, saving the  skua bird, or even passing a budget. Let’s face it, we couldn’t do worse than our elected representatives have done.

There would, of course, have to be incentives to get the public to watch. How about a thousand bucks for every hundredth voter. Let’s see, 17 million votes a week divided by 100 comes to 170,000 people a week that actually get something from the government.

Historians tell us that no democracy has ever lasted more than 200 years or so. But, none of them were on TV. An added bonus would be the incredible boon in ratings to C-Span. Advertising revenue from unions, the NRA, and AARP alone would pay for the entire program.

I realize that many will scoff at this plan. Genius is never appreciated in it’s own time. Some will think I have ulterior motives, like wanting to see more Cat Deeley on TV. But, the alternative to my plan is simply to continue with what we have today, and I believe that’s called, “Let’s Make A Deal.”

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I was recently made aware, by my friend Phil, of a new movie coming out called, “Corpus Christi.” It portrays my Lord and Savior as a homosexual. Of course it does. I imagine the thinking is, “if we say ‘Jesus was gay, the religious right will hate Him like we do.’”

The problem is that things don’t work that way. You see, Jesus was about love and respect and faith. The movie makers are all about hate and distrust bordering on paranoia. Oddly enough, most people have, for over two thousand years, gone with positive emotions rather than destructive ones. So, what’s a good Christian to do?

It has been suggested that we put a stop to the distribution of the movie. This is what I call the “What would radical Islam do,” philosophy. Censor those who disagree with us and, if necessary, kill them. Christianity, when like Islam, today, was in its infancy, had similar attitudes. It was called blasphemy, and, in some cases was punishable by death. These were called the “Dark Ages.”

When the United States was being born, the founders opposed a state religion. These were courageous and far-sighted men who knew that religion was too important to be left in the hands of temporary elected officials. It has worked well for 235 years, so far.

So, back to the question, “What should a good Christian do?” Here’s a thought. In addition to not seeing the movie, which is a given, we should take strong and powerful action. We should pray for those misguided and hateful beings that are so lacking in creativity and inspiration that they felt compelled to make a movie like this. We should pray for their salvation from the hateful and greedy nature. We should pray that they should become as happy as we are.

If you believe that this is a wimpy response, you do not understand the power of prayer… and maybe we should pray for you, as well.