Jim Vann’s Blog

I was just thinking about civics class. They used to teach us that the federal government is divided into three parts, repeat after me, …lobbyists, unions and organized religion. For a long time, it was obvious that the closer to home the decisions were made, the better the decision-making. Well, I guess our friends in Clayton County have pretty much blown that boat out of the water.

State government is always superior to federal intervention, unless, of course, your state is run by racist idiots who won’t let a child go to school because of the color of her skin, or by racist idiots who would rather see you drown in a hurricane than give up any graft money for gas and bus drivers to get you out of harms’ way.

So, here we are, in the midst of another presidential election, and the only way I can see to unmuddy the waters is to levy healthy fines every time a candidate makes a statement that proves they are unfamiliar with the Constitution…that’s the document they all seem so anxious to swear to uphold. It’s the paper that says the president cannot spend money without the approval of Congress, which is the opposite of progress. Every time one of the three amigos says the word “I,” there’s a good chance they will follow it with something they will do that they have no right to do.

This is why I like the Libertarian Party. I just wish they would spend less time fielding candidates that have the same chance of getting elected than I have of being Mr. Universe, and more time and money challenging, in court, unconstitutional laws, passed by the other two parties just to get votes. Sure, we would have to live without the 100 million dollar Robert C. Byrd Federal bird feeder, but our grandchildren would really appreciate it, when they get the bill.

I was just thinking about the things some people will do for a job. I’m not talking about those crab fishermen on the “Deadliest Catch.” They are professionals who supply a needed commodity…crabs. The same could be said of hookers, it’s an awful lot of work to make those rugs. No, I’m talking about the three stooges who want to lead the country. Towards that end they are being led by the nose by consultants who make them do demeaning things like appearing on late night talk shows, where they are interviewed by comedians who can’t even write their own jokes. Every journalist in America is constantly talking smack about them on TV…usually to another journalist. You know what you get when you put a journalist of each end of a seesaw? You get the highest and best use of two journalists. Now in the grand finale of the primary season, we see the three blind mice on WWE. All three of them got on and tried to act as if they had actually seen a professional wrestling match while they trash talked their opponents with words carefully written by a New York PR dandy. Only one of them was believable as a professional wrestler, and decorum prevents me from saying who she was. Oh, well, so much for the credibility of professional wrestling

I was just thinking about the whole “Turn Off the TV” Campaign that we are supposed to observe next week. I, of course, will not be observing it…not because I think TV is worth watching, to borrow a phrase, but because I like TV. I like how smart and well-adjusted it makes me feel. As I mention in “Jim Just Thinking…Out Loud,”…available now, “The statement by Newton Minow that TV is a vast wasteland, which was uttered in the ‘60’s, I think, is now inscribed over the entrance of the Understatement Hall of Fame.” I do consider TV a link with our past. What were the Pilgrims and the pioneers who stole the west called? Settlers! I feel a kinship with them when I look over my viewing menu and see the choices for the evening or, God forbid, daytime viewing. What am I doing when I make a choice if not settling? One of my favorite jokes has to do with TV. A commercial was on for one of the manufacturers that said they were at the forefront of thin TV’s. Someone said, “Funny, I thought the “E” Entertainment Network was the pioneer of TV with no depth.”

I was just thinking about Time Magazine and their latest attempt to spit on the people who saved the world. On the April 28^th edition’s cover, they feature Marines ala Iwo Jima pushing a tree into an upright position. My first scoutmaster was a survivor of Iwo Jima. Until he died last year, I had no idea where he won his Purple Heart. His name was Arnold Fowler, and he was a very, very good man. On behalf of the generation he tried to protect in WWll, and the generation he dedicated his time to training as Americans, I would like to say, “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry we did not grow up strong enough to withstand the slings and arrows of small-minded morons like the editors of Time. I’m sorry we haven’t shown the character he tried to teach us. I’m sorry we went on to create a country that he would not have even recognized when he was shot on the beach. We see the bumper stickers all the time that proclaim, “I support the troops.” But we have long since forgotten how to support the troops. We haven’t had to sacrifice the way Mr. Fowler, and hundreds of thousands of others did. We have no idea what it means to be Americans. If we did, rags like Time would never have the audacity to denigrate their memory for a ridiculous scam like global warming. How dare you, Time, The word is “shame.” I suggest you look it up. Please let me say, for whatever it’s worth, Mr. Fowler, I am proud of you. I wish I was proud of me.

I was just thinking about how great it is to stay up late. Now, I don’t want to rub Caddy and Dallas’ noses in this, but I can stay up and watch the good shows any night I want. One night last week, I actually saw David Letterman live. For the first time in my adult life, I don’t have to wake up in the middle of the night, so I can stay up as late as a grown-up. I have made a discovery. TV does not really get better. There is this one show called “Lost.” It’s a ripoff of Gilligan’s Island, but with a lot of Gilligans and no professor. I don’t know how they survive. At least they have a fat guy, which is rare on a deserted island…or on TV, for that matter. There’s another show called “Medium.” Anybody who can see into the future should have known that people my size are not going to watch something called “Medium.” It’s gotten so bad that a lot of the TV stations just gave up and started putting the news on at 10. And it’s the same news that was on at 6…except on Fox stations. Their news is usually dedicated to a recap of American Idol, which, statistically speaking, you probably just watched. This is apparently a service to people of my generation who can’t remember what they watched a few minutes ago. Thank you Fox TV. Well, at least it’s baseball season and the games are on Peachtree TV…or Sports South…or ESPN. Actually, by the time you find which channel the game is on, they’ve already pulled the starting pitcher and it’s time for bed, even for a night owl like me.

If you’re in the area today, Friday the 18th, stop by Dean’s Store on Main Street in Woodstock. I’ll be there from 3-4 and would love to visit.

I was just thinking about how stupid we seem to be. There is a movie coming out about the Army’s “Stop-Loss” program where soldiers sign up for an 8 year stint and find out later that they signed up for an eight year stint. Do I think that soldiers should be forced to serve in the battle zone a second tour? No! Do I think recruits should read a contract before they sign it? Yes! Then there’s the subprime mortgage situation. Home buyers signed a contract where the interest rate could be raised (read that, ‘will be raised’) and the find out that the interest rate has been raised. Shocking!!! There are those that call the Army’s program a con job. There are those who call the home loans “predatory lending.“ I am more curious as to how they can get away with it. Well, according to the latest results from the Department of “Education,” dropout rates are deplorably high. Detroit graduates a little less than 25% of it’s high school students. So when a kid with no diploma goes into the recruiter’s office, maybe he or she should be offered an aide to read the contract for them. Maybe when a couple wants to buy a home, they should be given, at the taxpayers expense of course, an interpreter to explain that ARM means “Adjustable Rape Mortgage.” OR maybe…just maybe…we should start using the schools to do something more than warehousing young people until they reach the age where they can be sacrificed, one way or another. But we must be careful. There is a good chance that an educated electorate would demand better candidates for public office. And that, my dear friends, is why it isn’t getting better.

I just wanted to thank you for all of the emails welcoming me back to Atlanta’s Country Morning Show. I have some really exciting things happening soon. I can’t wait to tell you about it. Keep checking back because I can’t keep a secret to save my life.

I was just thinking about those teenagers in Florida who made a video of themselves beating another kid, and then put it up on You Tube. First of all, it was a heinous crime that will haunt the prostitutes of radio and TV talk shows for weeks, unless Brittney Spears sneezes. They will beat this worse than the idiots beat the kid. Let’s answer the question before it is even asked. What does this say about teenagers, today? The answer is, “nothing.” The event was videotaped and even the dumbest journalette should be able to see that all teenagers were not involved. The other question will be, “What is the appropriate punishment?” I have a suggestion. I know from personal experience that the worst thing you can do to most teenagers is anything that will bring ridicule from their peers. If you can combine that with actual labor, so much the better. I would love to see them have to wear ugly jump suits with no pockets for cell phones while cutting the perpetrators grass and washing her car every week , while all of the other teenagers in Polk County, Florida who did not beat anybody up, take turns driving by pointing and laughing. This should go on for the entire summer. You want to be famous, let the punishment fit the crime. One good thing, these morons actually make our “Barbie Bandits,” look absolutely bright.

I was just thinking about those teenagers in Florida who made a video of themselves beating another kid, and then put it up on You Tube. First of all, it was a heinous crime that will haunt the prostitutes of radio and TV talk shows for weeks, unless Brittney Spears sneezes. They will beat this worse than the idiots beat the kid. Let’s answer the question before it is even asked. What does this say about teenagers, today? The answer is, “nothing.” The event was videotaped and even the dumbest journalette should be able to see that all teenagers were not involved. The other question will be, “What is the appropriate punishment?” I have a suggestion. I know from personal experience that the worst thing you can do to most teenagers is anything that will bring ridicule from their peers. If you can combine that with actual labor, so much the better. I would love to see them have to wear ugly jump suits with no pockets for cell phones while cutting the perpetrators grass and washing her car every week , while all of the other teenagers in Polk County, Florida who did not beat anybody up, take turns driving by pointing and laughing. This should go on for the entire summer. You want to be famous, let the punishment fit the crime. One good thing, these morons actually make our “Barbie Bandits,” look absolutely bright.

I was just thinking about Charlton Heston. Cecil B. DeMille was asked once why he cast Heston as Moses in “The Ten Commandments. He said it was because he bore a striking resemblance to the artist Michelangelo’s rendering of Moses. I once had a similar comparison, except it was Captain Kangaroo. Anyway, I was watching one of the morning “news” shows, and the anchorette allowed as how he had been politically active all of his life. She noted that he was a liberal when he was young but later embraced conservative issues such as gun rights. A slight correction if I may. The film shown regarding his “liberal” days was of him marching for civil rights in the ‘60’s. The conservative footage was of him at an NRA Convention. I would like to point out that just because a person thinks everybody in this country deserves equal rights does not mean he doesn’t think everybody in this country deserves equal rights. He was a champion of an unpopular cause in the ‘60’s and he was a champion of an unpopular cause in his later years. Sounds to me like he was pretty darn consistent. For the edification of journalists and others who gauge right and wrong by polls, this is a trait called, “character,” and it is a shame when we lose a man that has this rare commodity in such abundance.

I am sorry that I have been unable to get “Jim Just Thinking…Out Loud,” available as a download. Please keep checking back. I am on the track of a solution. In the meantime if you would like the CD, it is available at Dean’s Store in downtown Woodstock, or at Delkwood Grill on Delk Road in Marietta. While you’re there, try the pizza! Thanks for your patience…and friendship.

I was just thinking about how stupid we seem to be. There is a movie coming out about the Army’s “Stop-Loss” program where soldiers sign up for an 8 year stint and find out later that they signed up for an eight year stint. Do I think that soldiers should be forced to serve in the battle zone a second tour? No! Do I think recruits should read a contract before they sign it? Yes! Then there’s the subprime mortgage situation. Home buyers signed a contract where the interest rate could be raised (read that, ‘will be raised’) and the find out that the interest rate has been raised. Shocking!!! There are those that call the Army’s program a con job. There are those who call the home loans “predatory lending.“ I am more curious as to how they can get away with it. Well, according to the latest results from the Department of “Education,” dropout rates are deplorably high. Detroit graduates a little less than 25% of it’s high school students. So when a kid with no diploma goes into the recruiter’s office, maybe he or she should be offered an aide to read the contract for them. Maybe when a couple wants to buy a home, they should be given, at the taxpayers expense of course, an interpreter to explain that ARM means “Adjustable Rape Mortgage.” OR maybe…just maybe…we should start using the schools to do something more than warehousing young people until they reach the age where they can be sacrificed, one way or another. But we must be careful. There is a good chance that an educated electorate would demand better candidates for public office. And that, my dear friends, is why it isn’t getting better.

Jim Just Thinking…Out Loud” Now available at Dean’s Store in Woodstock and at Delkwood Grill on Delk Road in Marietta. While supplies last. If you have a location around Atlanta that would like to carry the CD, just email jim@jimvann.com and I’ll get you some. Thanks.